Melissa's Cancer Blog
Thank You Cancer
Yes, yes, it’s time for me to say thank you to cancer. No really, thanks a lot!
I’m trying to be thankful here, dear cancer, but it’s hard when everytime I eat, I have to poo and everytime I poo it’s non-stop. It’s hard when I wipe and wipe and wipe, and you are still there, coming out of me, with a constant lingering stain. I mean, for this I have you to thank.
When I grab the A&D Ointment, I have you to thank, my dear cancerous friend. If it weren’t for you, I would not be so fortunate to experience this shitty style of life. The makers of Imodium are grateful too, that I got you. For if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be helping them make money.
This is only a sampling of the thanks I owe you, but I wanted to start somewhere, afterall, you deserve it!
Hey Melissa….First off, I want to say I really feel for you. I think of you often and am amazed at your strength, even though I am sure at times you’re ready to scream out in frustration in your bathroom, or maybe you do. But you’re not alone. Now since your post was full of wonderful sarcasm (gosh, I love sarcasm….that’s my middle name :)....I thought I’d add in some nasty stories of my own. I’ll do a countdown, just to keep myself focused & not get carried away.
10. From age 6 (as far back as I can remember) I had IBS. Diarrhea was my normal. And stomachaches.
9. I discovered in my late teens that mint gum gave me diarrhea.
8. So sick & tired of public bathrooms (prior to 2008….before and a bit after chemo)
7. In my 20’s I used to get a ‘stitch’ while running. Right where the tumor was found. I was dx at age 34!
6. I watched the coffin lid close on my paternal g-pa, who passed from a short battle of colon cancer, while I unknowingly had colon cancer myself. He was 86.
5. Years of diarrhea switched to constipation a few years prior to dx. I had lost a lot of blood at times & dr’s kept saying I was anemic from pregnancies.
4. I vomited up bile about a dozen times in a row several times while pregnant w/ my 3rd. I’d cry out to my mom that I couldn’t stop throwing up. Never had that in other pregnancies.
(notice how my experiences are getting nastier)
3. I had my first bout of anal fissures after 1st was born. I suffered from what felt like crapping razor blades off and on for 6+ yrs.
2. I had a special procedure in the middle of chemo to ‘rectify’ the painful fissures, by a gastro dr.
1. I began to appreciate the moist toilet wipes after dx! And the rectal pain was so bad that on one occasion they gave me Diladid? (I always pronounced it Diladin) via IV. Otherwise, I had to take Percoset for rectal pain. Thinking back, I cannot even believe I dealt with razor like pain for as long as I did.
...So Melissa, I hope and pray that you do not have pain with this. I cannot imagine what a nuisance this must be. Is it better to have a colostomy? Do you feel malnourished all the time? Are your symptoms typical? My tumor was in my Sigmoid, but only 1/4”? from the anal verge. Whatever that all means. :)
Posted on Hi Melanie, thanks for the countdown! I think you suffer more than I do. I wish at times that I had a colostomy because the bowel movements just never seem to end. Yesterday I took three Imodiums. I have to take one a day but it took three and even when I woke this morning I had to change my undies. Makes for a sucky sex life let me tell you (and I won’t even mention how hard it is for my husband to understand). I know sometimes it sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself, when I should be thankful I’m alive. I am thankful I’m alive, but I’m NOT thankful for the side effects.
My bowel life pre cancer was normal as far as I can recall. I had cancer for probably five years the docs say, but it didn’t cause me too much trouble until the last year. Since then, nothing has been normal. I’m not sure what I eat that causes any issues. I eat only about two meals a day, if not just one at times. Meat and rice usually. I know I cannot eat broccoli. So I don’t. I don’t drink much milk and I don’t drink much fluid to begin with.
My tumor was in the sigmoid as well, but had grown to the rectum so I only have an inch of my rectum left. Pretty much all stool from the colon comes straight out. Hence I think it would have been better with a colostomy. I was the first to be resected so low by my surgeon. I’m sure he pats himself ont he back for it too! LOL
It wears me out physically and mentally. Passing so many stools and wiping so much becomes tiresome and painful.
My daughter says this happens once a month like a menstrual cycle. Not certain as to her accuracy, but it does get “worse” at least once a month. Usually once a week or so I have a slight issue, but “normally” I am constipated. Which I have to stay (i.e. enter Imodium) or I would be like this every day of my life. So who knows. All I know is I’m tired.
Thanks for listening. I miss seeing you around here.
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
